Today I am Grateful…

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For the past few weeks after our first and cancelled IVF cycle, I have been monitoring my body in the hope that all those hormones wouldn’t affect my body too much. Yes, I know, wishful thinking!!!

After the IVF cycle, my first period was early (by a whole week!), which never, ever happens. Needless to say, they were also different. Lasting 8 days instead of my usual 2 days. This was the first sign that yes, all those hormones had wreaked havoc on my poor, infertile body.

Since then, I have been anticipating when ovulation would be, in the hopes that would be just a small sign that my body is returning to some normality. Usually I ovulate around CD 15. And I say usually. Hence I have learnt, my body is still completely out of whack!!! Waiting… Waiting… Waiting… Something I am an expert at by now, as many on this TTC journey are. Something I am envious that all my “fertile” friends or family have never had to endure. The virtue of patience. Something I have never really been good at, but have developed a lot of in the last 2 years.

I had read that after IVF, it is possible to either ovulate later than usual, and sometimes not even at all. CD 15 passed… nothing. CD 16, 17, 18, 19 passed… nothing still. CD 20 passed… at last, a very faint second line on an OPK. That surely meant my body is doing something! CD 21… A positive OPK! Yay!

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Today I am grateful. Grateful that my body seems to be resuming some sort of usual function after taking all those grueling IVF drugs. It’s doing what it should have done a week ago! While it’s not completely back to normal, it’s a little step closer. It almost makes me feel like giving my body a whopping big hug, and loving it again. Something which is hard to do when it has deceived and disappointed me on so many occasions.

What would life be like without OPK tests? Yes, I am grateful that I have access to such tests to put my mind at ease, and predict when ovulation will be. Coz you need that magical, illusive egg to conceive right? Something I have learnt my body will soon stop producing in the coming few years.

I long to experience the day when I will no longer monitor what CD I am, quickly rush to the bathroom to do an OPK and waste copious amounts of time and money in doing the darn things!! The day when all the monitoring and testing will no longer be necessary. Something that’s a fantasy when you’re TTC and infertile…

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