WARNING: This post contains my exact thoughts, and while this post is targeted predominantly at the busy noses, it is definitely not intended to offend those that genuinely care and show compassion towards us. Those people know who they are, the ones that care, are there for us, and have offered us many kind words of encouragement and support.
I would like to say to you that NO…. I am NOT pregnant… I wish I could scream it at the top of my lungs to the whole world, from the top of the highest mountain. If only you knew that each time I am asked that question, how much my heart is crushed and shattered. How much it hurts. How much it really is none of your business. How much we have been through in the last year. How much we really want to be parents. And how hard it is for us to achieve.
No I am not pregnant, I am just fat. I have been struggling with the effects of Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome as a result of our current IVF cycle if you must really know. Something no woman should have to go through. And it has made me bloated. It has made me look like I am 6 months pregnant. I wish that there was a life in there to nurture and love. I wish that it meant I WILL be a Mum. But NO it doesn’t! In the last week I have gained 6 kilograms! Yes, 6! As a result of fluid building up in my body. And how do you think that feels? Yes. Really. I feel like a whale. And if you must know, it may take a few months for my fat belly to deflate and look “normal” again. And sadly, this IVF cycle WILL be negative if that’s what you wanted to know.
But for now we will continue battling on and ignore you world. The questions and comments from people who have really NO idea will be put behind us. The love and support showed to us from strangers, and very few selected “friends” will be held close. And if you must know, we are taking a break from even trying anymore. We are giving up (for a while). Focussing on us. So NO. I am not pregnant. And won’t be anytime soon, because we are not even trying. Two hard years of trying, and the last 6 months of financial burden and invasive operations has taken its toll, emotionally, physically, financially and relationship wise. So go and pry on someone else’s life, not mine. You won’t find any gossip here.
From, that infertile woman….