As we gear up for another fresh cycle of IVF next month, I can’t help but feel a feeling of uselessness.
You see, today is the second time I have had a wee 6 year old who I teach, excitedly announce a pregnancy.
The first time, it was a delightful, little boy announcing his Mum’s third pregnancy, and the second which occurred today was a sweet innocent little girl announcing her Aunty’s second pregnancy.
That was all good, I could easily deal with the announcements. I feel excitement and happiness for others every time I hear about a little miracle being nurtured, growing and being loved.
But man, I’m ashamed of the jealousy I feel, and for placing such disregard on my inefficient body. The latest announcement is from a woman who is successfully pregnant after having one tube removed from a previous ectopic pregnancy. Sure… some may call this jealously, and yes I guess I am jealous. Jealous that my reproductive organs which are still completely in tact and functioning correctly, still cannot bless my body with a beautiful pregnancy, some 2 years+ later.
I feel useless. Maybe someday my body will play the game and do its thing. Or maybe it won’t and I’ll be a cat lady forever.