Today I had bloods taken for my Beta HCG test. Yet another needle, but the last for a while. IVF stimulated cycle #3, IVF transfer # 3 has resulted in yet another FAILURE.
The nurse at my clinic was most sympathetic when I made the call. I know that by now, we should have achieved some success. I could tell by her voice. And it sure is disappointing. The huge commitments we make to travel some 800km every second day during treatment to have a scan and live away from home for a week while having egg pick up and transfer don’t make it any easier. Not to mention the financial commitments. And now it’s all down the gurgler, we’ll have to do it all again…
I felt okay and had accepted that it would be a negative cycle, right up until I had to make the phone call and hear those dreaded results officially- “negative”. Now I just feel down on myself. I’m analysing everything. Is there something else wrong with me for this to not work?
Anyway, no time to be depressed or grieve another loss, I have an appointment to see my specialist again next Thursday, and I hope he will be prepared to give us further answers and some new ideas. After all, we’ve given him tens of thousands of our hard earnt dollars to sit in his back pocket, so I just hope he has a grand plan for next time up his sleeve.
We’ll probably try to do one more cycle before the end of this year, as clearly we can’t waste anymore time stuffing around, but after that, I don’t know how much longer we can keep doing it for. There has to be an end.