Limbo Land

Welcome to limbo land.
πŸŒ…βœˆοΈπŸšπŸš‚πŸšŒπŸš—πŸš–πŸš›

A place where the future is unknown and you can’t move on with the rest of your life until it miraculously and with time sorts itself out and becomes apparent of an outcome. A place where you are unable to focus your mind on anything else but the “what ifs” and all the different outcomes that may eventuate.

This is the place I am, limbo land.

Today I had a repeat HCG taken at my clinic expecting it to drop majorly since I had a bleed and cramping over the weekend.

Since last Tuesday, my HCG levels have risen, yes risen, from 1670 to 15490, which according to my clinic is spot on. I’m stunned. I’m confused. I don’t know what to think anymore. I thought I knew my body and what it was doing. But it appears i have no idea.

I still haven’t gotten excited, and remain cautious. The spotting and cramping I have been left with terrifies me. Even though the spotting has eased considerably, I still feel quite crampy. I’ve never had it before, but then again, I’ve never had a successful pregnancy before either. So how can I make such assumptions. The clinic has taken me off the pessaries now too, as my progesterone levels continue to shoot through the roof at 1032 today. I’m worried. That ceasing the pessaries may increase the bleeding more. The clinic don’t want anymore bloods for 2 weeks! 2 weeks until my FS returns from holidays. 2 weeks until my first scan with my FS when he returns. I have calculated today (for the first time) that I am around 5 weeks 3 days. The clinic has also recommended complete bed rest until things settle down.

I am seeing my GP tomorrow in the hope that she may monitor me more closely and allow an earlier scan to check the location of the pregnancy and rule out any complications like ectopic pregnancy or a blighted ovum. Bearing in mind that every time I need bloods or medical attention, it involves a car trip to the nearest medical facilities at a more populated town, not our tiny regional town that is incapable of dealing with me. GP is 1 hour away, bloods 1-1 and a half hours away, FS clinic- 4 hrs away. Lately it feels like we may as well live in the car. But I am so grateful that Troy can be my own personal chauffeur and assist me while he is still on holidays. I still have no pregnancy symptoms. In fact I think they’re easing even more- my breasts feel nowhere near as sore.

My Acupuncturist did an anti-miscarriage treatment on me today and she has given me a new batch of the anti-miscarriage Chinese herbs to take again too.

I feel as though I’m a bad mother and not giving our tiny baby the recognition and love it deserves. I do love our tiny embryo to bits and just hope it can stay and Mummy’s heart isn’t broken again. I was all prepared psychologically and emotionally for a pending miscarriage. Here’s hoping this little fighter can hang on and make 2015 the best year yet.

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9 thoughts on “Limbo Land

  1. thebarrenlibrarian

    Yes! Miracle!

    Also…your numbers look like multiples. I mean, mine doubled really fast, but they were still just in the hundreds. Yours are super high! Plus your progesterone-wowza!

    And don’t worry about stopping the suppositories. When my progesterone came back at 33 they were like “whoa! Thats high-stop the prometrium!”, and I didn’t have any bleeding, and yours is eleventy million times more than that so I bet you’re in good shape.

    Reply
  2. mevsinfertility

    I’m so happy to see your repeat beta results. I wish I had thought to mention it sooner…but I think your cramping could very well be related to your astronomical progesterone levels. My progesterone was well over 500 after my fresh transfer and the cramping was awful. And, unfortunately, a lot of us who undergo IVF have bleeding. Sometimes explained, in my case, not. I’m sorry you’re experiencing so many scary things. I wish for all of us who struggled to achieve pregnancy that it could be smooth sailing, with nothing out of the ordinary to make us worry more than we’re already prone to do.
    I found my major hurdle was accepting that my body could actually sustain a pregnancy after it had let me down so many times. I finally was able to recognize that I believed the embryo was strong and thriving and it was fear that my body would fail me that worried me so. I hope your clinic will continue to provide you with whatever reassurance you need, and that as the days and weeks go by you will be able to feel more confident.
    Congrats on the awesome numbers πŸ™‚

    Reply
  3. vtr87

    So glad your numbers are looking great!! For what its worth, SCH (a bleed in the lining of the uterus essentially) are much more common with IVF and 90% of the time have heavy bleeding, occasionally with clots, and tend to resolve themselves. The best they can do for these is advise pelvic rest, lots of fluid, and low activity. A lot of the women in the IVF board I follow have had them, some bleeding very heavily for weeks and still delivering healthy happy babies. I am praying this is just the case for you, an SCH working on resolving itself. Prayers for you and your little bean! It is so strong already, and so are you!!

    Reply
  4. Kimberly

    Is it possible that you have a SCH causing the bleeding? Can they do an ultrasound to look for the source of bleeding? I bled from 5-11 weeks with the twins and i had lots of weird cramping that i think was because my uterus was growing so fast! Bleeding is much more common in multiples and IVF pregnanciesb

    Reply
  5. MrsPearce

    πŸ˜† i dont even have words. I am so happy for you. Continuing to pray for your miracle. I had spotting and bleeding with henry until ten weeks. Love to all three of you!! Xo

    Reply

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