Today has been a bad day. Shocking. Awful. Terrible. Yes, I’m still 9w 4d pregnant. Yes, my scan on Friday just gone showed everything is still fine with this pregnancy. Yes, I’m carrying 2 beautiful babies still. Yes, my spotting has eased greatly. But I just can’t wipe the FEAR from my mind. I keep thinking that something will go wrong. I haven’t felt as many symptoms the last few days. I’m sick in my stomach and just feel like crying. I can’t function or manage to do anything else but wonder “what if”. I’ve pretty much moped all day thinking about the worst, brainwashing myself and preparing myself for the worst. I hate how the innocence of being a pregnant woman is something I will never feel. I want to enjoy this pregnancy, but I keep thinking of the worst. I wish I’d never experienced a miscarriage, then I wouldn’t be faced with these negative thoughts. I am so scared. I wish I could see and feel my babies everyday to know they are indeed okay. I hope things don’t turn bad. For now, I have to wait until this Friday for my next obstetrician appointment to know if things are okay. It really is just one day at a time.