Everywhere I go, I either see protruding pregnant bellies, pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, beautiful little newborn babies, and even children laughing and having fun. From the shopping centre, to work, to Facebook, to T.V, to at home, across the road. These stark reminders of what we don’t have seem to plague us on what seems like an everyday, constant occasion. There is not a day that goes by, where we are not reminded. There is not a day that goes by, that our hearts do not ache for something we so deeply desire. I miss our babies. I want our babies…
Have you ever wished you could see into the future? Like gazing into a crystal ball? Knowing what lies ahead? Positives or negatives? Bumps in the road or smooth, flawless driving? Definitely a silly question to ask if you’re walking the infertility path and/or doing IVF treatments.
Not a day does by wishing that I could see into the future, particularly as much of this journey is spent waiting, waiting, waiting, to discover the same dreaded fate, each and every month.
My curiosity got the better of me, and today I saw a psychic. In the hopes of seeing what the future holds for myself and Troy and settling my grief. I needed some direction. Some answers. I’m sick of feeling like the unknown is weighing me down.
Where is my life going? It feels like at the moment the roller coaster ride we are on is getting quicker and far more intense rather than slowing down to a halt and allowing us to jump off. 2013 was such a crappy year. Will this year be better? Will we ever be blessed with that bundle of joy and become parents? And when? Are we wasting our time with IVF? Will I need to use donor eggs? Is our angel looking down on us from heaven? What sex was our angel? Does our angel know we loved him/her? What will happen with my employment this year now that our school has lost enrollments? Where will I be teaching and what class? These were all questions I had hoped would be answered. And I got more than I had bargained for.
Walking into the room where the psychic expo was being held was overwhelming. I’d never seen a psychic before. A virgin to say the least! I immediately had a decision to make. Which psychic was I going to trust and allow to read into my future and perhaps give me crippling bad news or the good news I’ve been seeking so desperately? I chose a lady called Ishjana. From reading her profile which was stuck onto a whiteboard, I liked that she was compassionate. She looked caring. And that she was.
I was gobsmacked at the accuracy of her reading. I told her very little information, and she touched on many events of my present life. I left feeling elated. Like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had a grin from ear to ear. I almost felt as happy and excited as the day we got our first positive pregnancy test with our Angel. The jumping up and down kind of joy. At last, someone had told me those words that I wanted to hear so badly. Someone who genuinely knew. Someone who just wasn’t saying it. Someone who could see it as my future.
I will be a Mum soon!!! Within the next year!!
A Mum to 2 babies in fact. Not twins though. Two separate pregnancies. And there’ll be no trouble. She could feel it strongly. I just need to stop worrying and it will come. I feel so at ease knowing this. I’m just going to relax in knowing this, and enjoy my next IVF cycle (if there’s such a thing!!)
I also have 2 spirits following me and protecting me. One is a baby, and the other a lady with fair, curly hair who is thankful for something I’ve done to help her or a family member. I have no idea who the second spirit is. Perhaps that will come to me at a later time. But I have no doubts the baby spirit is our angel. Apparently they are sending me clues all the time. I just need to look out for them. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside knowing that my angel follows me everyday, everywhere.
Travel is on my horizon- better go book that cruise that I’ve been researching but too hesitant to book in case I do fall pregnant. A move too (would be nice). And a new horizon for employment- perhaps starting my own business. Not really sure on the validity of that prediction, but I will remain open minded to it. I could do with a change!! Troy my fiancé already has his own business, but it has been quiet of late.
The one prediction that concerned me was regarding my mothers health deteriorating. She has been caring for my grandmother full time who has Alzheimer’s, which of late has deteriorated quite significantly. She doesn’t even remember my Mum’s name; her own daughters name. She predicted that my mother will need to look out more for her own health, which sounds true, as she has been so busy caring for Grandma lately that she’s barely had time to look out for herself and take her own needs into account. Something I will need to keep a close eye on.
Apart from that, I am joyous about my first psychic reading and it has given me a new lease on life. I will be a Mum. Troy will be a Dad. And our Angel will always be with us no matter where we go. And most importantly, I’m going to be a Mum. I will carry this hope, and embrace it. I hope you all can dig down and find some hope too!
Being infertile has a devastating effect on one’s mind. You continue to wonder if there is anything else you can do to increase your chances of conceiving that much wanted little blessing. I am always continually reading and trying to source what other options are available to me that just may boost my depleted egg count and fertility. At the age of 28, I have a very poor AMH count of just 4. AMH ranges from between 50-0. According to this graph published by my fertility clinic (Queensland Fertility Group), I am in the area low for my age- below the 25th percentile. I would do anything in my power to make my body the healthiest it can be, and produce good quality, strong healthy eggs- especially if it gives me just the smallest chance of having that precious baby.
Each morning, I begin my daily ritual of taking my usual dose of vitamins and minerals as recommended to me by an acupuncturist, naturopath and midwife. Each morning I take 15 tablets!!!! Anyone would think I was drastically ill taking that amount of pills, and then another 9 at night-time. The concoction of vitamins I take are listed below.
Natal Complete Multivitamin- this vitamin was recommended to me by my Acupunturist as an alternative to the ever popular pregnancy vitamin called “Elevit”. Elevit contains a high dosage of Folic Acid (800mcg) which may be unnecessary as your body only needs 500mcg to be not deficient in Folate. Elevit also does not contain ANY Choline and too little B12, which are both required for Folate to be absorbed and activated by the body. Hence why I was recommended to use the Natal Complete Multivitamin- it contains adequate amounts of Folic Acid, B12 and Choline so it can be absorbed and activated by the body. I take one tablet in the morning.
- Royal Jelly- Again recommended to me by my Acupunturist, it is recommended to take between 1000-2000mg of Royal Jelly per day. It is made from Bee Pollen and is rich in amino acids, lipids, vitamins and proteins. I specifically take it as it can help to increase egg health. You should not take Royal Jelly however, if you are allergic to bee stings or honey.
- CoQ10- Co-Enzyme Q10 is usually taken for heart health, and plays a key role in energy production, particularly in the cells of both eggs and sperm. Levels of CoQ10 can diminish as you age, resulting in reduced cellular energy, which can impact on fertility. CoQ10 can be used to enhance fertility and also functions as an antioxidant, decreasing the damaging effects of free radicals on the reproductive system. My naturopath first put me on CoQ10 to assist with my energy levels, but now I also take it to assist with fertility. I take three 50mg tablets both in the morning and at night.
- Omega 3 (DHA)- Fish Oil- according to my Acupunturist (Kirsty Eng Fertility), Omega 3 is an essential fertility nutrient as it aids in balancing hormones, promotes ovulation and increases blood flow to the uterus. I take two 100mg tablets both in the morning and at night.
- Vitamin E- Vitamin E increases fertile mucous and improves egg quality. I take one 1000iu tablet in the morning.
- Evening Primrose Oil- Evening Primrose Oil increases fertile cervical mucous too, helps promote ovulation and regulates menstruation. I have read elsewhere that this should only be taken up to ovulation, as if it is taken in the luteal phase, it can cause uterine contractions which can cause the embryo to not implant. I take two 1000mg tablets both in the morning and at night up until ovulation.
- Fab Iron- Decreased fertility has been linked to low iron stores. High iron stores aids in thickening the endometrium. Fab Iron is more absorbable than iron tablets bought from the pharmacy, and does not cause constipation or nausea. I take one 100mg tablet in the morning. It can be bought in liquid form too, but I don’t like the taste of it! According to my fertility type- Blood Deficient- additional iron can also help enrich the blood.
- Folic Acid- It was recommended to me by a practicing midwife that I take an additional Folic Acid supplement on top of my pregnancy multivitamin. Folic Acid should be taken prior to conception to limit the incidence of neural tube defects. I take one 500mcg tablet at night, as apparently if it taken in the morning when you will then consume tea, it can cancel the Folic Acid out.
- Spirulina- I have only just started taking this additional supplement. I read about it in the book called “The Baby Making Bible” by Emma Cannon. Seaweed is good for my blood deficient fertility type. I am always open minded to giving new things a go and have recently just started taking this supplement. I take three 500mg tablets both in the morning and at night.
- TCM Supplements- on top of this daily routine of pills, I also take a traditional chinese medicine supplement from my Acupunturist. At the moment I am taking Ba Zhen Tang which is a Qi and Blood Tonic. From learning about my fertility type, I am also Qi Deficient. Qi is essential for balanced emotions and as many as 70% of women show signs of Qi Deficiency!
- Food and Herbal Teas- Finally, my daily ritual also includes a strict diet of particular foods which are recommended for my fertility type. Lately, I have been ensuring I eat plenty of spinach leaves, avocados, eggs, apricots, sprouts, mushrooms and chicken to help nourish my blood. I also drink Nettle Tea and Dandelion Tea as these teas are also meant to help nourish the blood. Red Raspberry Leaf tea is also good, but can only be consumed up until ovulation, as it can cause uterine contractions too, resulting in any possible embryo/s not implanting.
I wonder if women who do not have fertility problems fuss so much over taking a daily ritual of what seems like a thousand pills? I long for the day when I don’t have to take so many pills, but for now, I am happy taking them, as I know it just may help us have our rainbow baby!