Preparing for a FET

Well tomorrow is D-day, and I feel very nervous to say the least. Nervous and apprehensive, that this opportunity may be taken from us if our embryo doesn’t thaw successfully, and we’ll need to wait until September to do our next global cycle. So much time and hope is invested in this FET going ahead. I’m not exactly sure when the embryologist will take our little frosty fruit out to thaw, but I’ve been told no news is usually good news. I just wish I could be there to keep an eye on my future baby!

So today I have been busily preparing a few things for the FET tomorrow. Who would’ve thought such things would be needed.

Today I cleaned the house to avoid needing to do it after the FET, too much activity can raise body temperatures which is no good for precious embryos. I also gave my car a once over, it desperately needed a wash. Driving on a dirt road everyday to work meant it was filthy, and in no shape to drive to Brisbane today. It’s also booked in to go to the panel beater next week, so I didn’t want to have to worry about cleaning it after the transfer. I cleaned it using just a wet cloth for the inside, as I didn’t want any fragrance to be in the car after the transfer. Little embryos don’t like perfumes or strong scents. I will also remove the air freshener.

Today I also washed my hair, as I didn’t want it to smell too fragrant on the day of transfer. I applied moisturiser liberally after my morning shower, as I will not be able to wear creams or make-up tomorrow morning at the day hospital. And I enjoyed my last hot, steamy shower. After the transfer, it will be back to lukewarm showers. I will try and get to the shops to purchase some unscented soap to use too.

Today we also packed up to make the commute to Brisbane for tomorrow’s procedure. We have booked a motel to stay at this time, rather that staying with Troy’s Great Aunt like we usually do. We’ve tried to limit the amount of family we’ve told about the FET this time. I’d rather give them a surprise and tell them we’re pregnant than having to settle their curiosities and tell them it failed.

I’ve tried to eat lots of protein today, and will have a high protein breakfast tomorrow to hopefully fuel my body for the impending pregnancy that will develop over the next few weeks, and months! Today’s lunch also consisted of curry and turmeric, to eliminate any inflammation that may be evident from my remaining endometriosis, and hopefully assist in implantation in the coming days.

Over the last few days I’ve had bad tummy aches, so I have also supplemented my body with 2 probiotics a day rather than 1 to try and knock it on the head, and ensure my body is the healthiest possible for our little embryo. I’ve also kept up my rigorous routine of taking herbs and antioxidants to prepare my body.

Tonight I will have my pre-transfer Acupunture treatment, to help increase circulation to my uterus, and give my lining one last boost to thicken and plumpen. I also have another treatment booked within the hour after the transfer, tomorrow morning.

I know it sounds ridiculous having to organise and plan all this stuff, and someone who hasn’t travelled the infertility roller coaster would think I’m a crazy woman. But when you’ve invested so much time and money into achieving a pregnancy, you do everything in your power to ensure each transferred embryo is given the best chance possible to grow and thrive.

My Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,
I’m sorry I never got to say good-bye to you. I wish I had’ve got the chance to see you before your passing. I’m glad you no longer have to suffer and can be at peace looking down on us. I hope I’ve made you proud, but I wish you could stay to meet my children one day.

Today is bittersweet. We got confirmation that our FET will be on Friday, and almost an hour later found out that my Grandmother passed away. I feel guilty, I never got to see her. In the complete chaos of needing to travel to Brisbane for blood tests for our upcoming fertility treatment, meant that I never had time to see her. I am grateful, that Grandma can now watch out for our Angel babies in heaven, and I hope that she will protect our little frozen embryo for our upcoming transfer. I’m sad though, our children will have no Great Grandparents on my side of the family. I wished Grandma could’ve had the opportunity to hold my babies. Grandma, rest in peace. No more suffering. No more pain.

Things to NOT say to someone who is Fertility Challenged

So today I went to have bloods done once again, something which many who travel the infertility rollercoaster with me know that it is noting out of the ordinary.

And what words should come out of the woman’s mouth who was administering the blood test?

“Have you ever had a blood test before?”

Like come on! I know the woman had no idea why I was getting the blood test and that it was for fertility reasons, but I felt like banging my head against a brick wall when she said it! If she looked hard enough, she would have noticed the two bruises on the SAME arm, from my blood tests on Friday and Saturday. 3 blood tests in 4 days!

What silly things have you ever had said to you that have left you feeling frustrated apart from the usual things like “just relax” or “stop thinking about it and it’ll happen”?

On another note, I won’t get my results until tomorrow, but I am hoping that I have ovulated, which will lock in the definite day for our FET this week.

This Week…

This week will be the week of our FET, provided the thaw goes perfectly.
I had a blood test on Friday to monitor ovulation, and was called back by my doctor to have another on Saturday (which meant a surprise overnight stay in Brisbane, with no belongings). Both tests were negative. But this morning’s OPK was definitely positive, so hoping my third blood test tomorrow detects that I’ve ovulated. I don’t really want another unnecessary car trip for another blood test and hoping that I won’t need another one on Tuesday. The joys of living in a regional area mean that any blood tests or scans needed throughout our cycle require us to travel, either a 300km round trip to Bundaberg or a 800km round trip to Brisbane depending on what is required. So, on top of driving 120km’s to work everyday, I’m definitely over travelling this week. But it’s just one of those things we have to do, it certainly does make our treatment harder. But we’d do whatever it takes. The positive OPK locks in the FET definitely for this week, transfer will either be on Wednesday or Friday depending. And hopefully this will be the last time we have to dedicate ourselves to the extensive road tripping and lengths of time stuck in a car! I’m continuing to pray to God, please let our little embryo thaw perfectly!

3 in 1

This week has been the kind of week I despise. A week full of emotions. As we gear up to start the ball rolling for our FET in the coming weeks and face the excitement of another possibility for our dream to come true, BAM it hits me in the face, crushing my heart. Yes, that’s right. In the space of 1 week, this has happened 3 times!! In 1 week I have witnessed 3 pregnancy announcements on Facebook.

I guess you could call it jealously. Yes I am jealous I am not the one announcing a pregnancy. We have never got to announce any of our pregnancies to the world. And yes, I am jealous I am not the one that can be naive about and enjoy being pregnant. I am jealous I do not get to experience that feeling of pure, utter joy. I do remember that feeling, but each time it’s been stripped from us. How lucky these women are and I am genuinely happy they get such a beautiful experience, but when will it ever be my turn?

The 3 in 1 couldn’t come at a better time. As I face yet another fertility treatment, others slap me in the face with this stark reminder. The stark reminder that it isn’t that easy for us, the stark reminder that we are still empty handed after 2 years, and the stark reminder that the upcoming treatment may not be successful and we may continue to have empty hearts and arms.

I really hope and pray to God that this time will be the one, because to be honest, I don’t know how many more times I can be exposed to the 3 in 1. I should really be an expert at this by now, but each time it hurts just as much. Sometimes I just wish I could wrap myself up in bubble wrap or hide under a rock away from the world.

Please God, be the one.

A New Month- Another Milestone, Another Dream

As I turn the page to a new month on the calendar, I also turn the page to that frightful milestone. The one I’ve been dreading facing for a long time. My worst nightmare. Something you’d never wish on anyone. The two year mark. Two long years of trying desperately and giving up our whole life, and other dreams in order to achieve just this one. Two long years of trying to conceive our first baby, the one we hold so dearly in our hearts but don’t get to hold just yet. Two years feels like an eternity. And it has been. The countless procedures and many hard earnt pennies spent. So many times I’ve wanted to just give up. How easy that would be. But fighting for our dream and achieving it will be so rewarding, so worthwhile. But it’s also so hard to keep fighting on a daily basis. A fight of emotions. A fight of unknowns. As I turn the page on the calendar, I also turn the page on a new dream. A dream that this will be the month. A dream that our little frozen embryo will thaw perfectly, implant in my uterus, and will be the baby we get to take home. A new month, a new dream, but still so many hurdles to jump to achieve it. But it’s another step in the right direction. I’m not giving up on our dream yet. Whether it take two years or ten years. It will always be my dream, and I will do anything in my power to become a Mum.